The Mistake Killing Christian Community Right Now

On March 28th, we gathered for Sisterhood at Vizion Church to have a very honest, very necessary conversation about our circles. Friendship is often treated as a casual accessory to our lives, but the Word of God treats it as a matter of sanctification!

If you missed this message the Lord graced me to teach to the women who made it to church that morning, I want you to start exactly where we started in that room. Close your eyes and do a sincere heart check with these questions.

The Friendship Heart Check

• Are the friendships in my life actually healthy?
• Am I a good friend to others, or just a consumer of their time?
• When I pick friends, am I focused on how they will serve my needs before I imagine how I can serve them?
• Do I pick friends based on a similar season of life rather than a similar pursuit of Jesus?
• Am I capable of having hard, holy conversations when a friend is falling short?
• How infected have my moral choices become by the people who surround me?
• Do I care more about feeling accepted by my friends than living holy and set apart?
• Do I judge others by their behavior while asking to be judged only by my intentions?

After these questions I dug into the foundation to healthy friendships…

The Call to Sacrificial Community

We often neglect meeting with others simply because life is busy or difficult. We focus solely on ourselves rather than the needs of others. However, we are called to a different standard in Hebrews 10:24-25:

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

We have to gather together even when it inconveniences our day. Relationships require sacrifice. We have to stop connecting over toxic reality shows, lustful romance books, or nights out drinking. The world connects over that. Those things fuel the flesh. Because “the Day is drawing near,” we must be sober. Jesus is coming back!!! That truth should influence every single conversation we have!

We also have to stop acting like we only need the sisters who look and live exactly like we do. Moms can be friends with single women. Younger women need the wisdom of older women. Stop picking friends because of your “needs” and go out with a heart to see and serve others. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:21-22:

“The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,’ nor again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you.’ On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable.”

 

The Danger of the Unequal Yoke

We dug deep into 2 Corinthians 6:12-18 to understand that we cannot make mismatched alliances with the world. If our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, we have to keep that temple pure.

A “yoke” is a heavy bar placed over the necks of two animals to pull a plow as a team. If you are yoked to lawlessness, you are being pulled into actions that do not honor Christ. We must separate from the world’s influences so that God can lead us down a straight path. This means separating from friends who live for the world. The Lord was stern in his direction (this was a command yall!) but what is beautiful is he promises blessings and care to those who listen and obey. His instruction to separate from unequally yoked partnerships was for our protection.

Do we spread the gospel? YES! But we also must set boundaries and separate from those who are pulling us into the world. The Corinth church was guilty of letting a false gospel spread in their church because of their unequally yoked partnerships. Could the unbelief in God you are walking through be the result of an unequally yoked partnership and/or the influence of the world?

I then ended my message with 9 encouraging friendships to glean from…

9 Blueprints for Becoming a Godly Friend

We cannot always control who we find, but we can control who we are becoming. Here are the nine biblical markers of a divine friend:

1. Encourage their sanctification. A good friend defends their friend’s process of growing in holiness. Look at the partnership in Philemon 1:17-19: “So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it—to say nothing of your owing me even your own self.”
2. Grieve quietly. When a friend is suffering, don’t speak foolishness. In Job 2:12-13, his friends sat in silence for seven days because they saw his suffering was great. Proverbs 10:19 warns us: “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.”
3. Seek wisdom across generations. Mary sought out Elizabeth, a woman decades older, for encouragement. We should be eager to learn from those in different seasons. (Luke 1:42-45)
4. Stand for truth even in fear. Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3:16-18, we need friends who refuse to bow to idols, even when it is dangerous. They said: “If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods.” But do you know truth well enough to stand for it?
5. Contend in prayer. Are you lifting up your friends’ arms when they are too tired to fight? In Exodus 17:11-13, Aaron and Hur held up Moses’ hands so that Israel could prevail in battle through prayer.
6. Speak kindly in their absence. Jonathan spoke well of David even when his father, the King, wanted David dead (1 Samuel 19 & 20). Proverbs 16:28 reminds us: “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” Could the reason you have no close friendships be because of the nature of how you speak about others?
7. Encourage your friend’s gifts. Don’t let jealousy make you timid. Encourage the calling on your friend’s life as Paul did for Timothy in 2 Timothy 1:6-7: “For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” Let’s be women who speak life over our friends.
8. Confess and receive correction. Be a Nathan to a David. Be willing to have the hard conversation (Nathan) and be humble enough to receive it (David) (2 Samuel 12). James 5:16 says: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” Confession heals.
9. Look to the Perfect Friend. Jesus is the only one who knows every dark corner of your heart and still chose the cross. He is our ultimate model for community. Because He modeled iot perfectly we do as He commanded us: “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. John 15:12-16 ESV

 

Don’t give up on finding and becoming a godly friend. The world quits when things get slow or lonely, but you serve a God who is present in the “in-between.” Love ya, Cass